votive

perhaps some future archaeologist

will find them

these fragments,

time-worn offerings

for a goddess

who looks different to each beholder

all the women praying

to concieve

or to win love

or to keep the love they had

men praying

to catch the eye of some beloved. . .

and from the scholar's point of view

i can't imagine that my offerings

would stand out. . .

except perhaps in sheer number

but from within i feel they are different

since i am not asking for any boon

or prize

i tell myself instead

that i am somehow feeding

and strengthening the faculty of Love itself,

and that these gifts are symbols

of energy and effort

expended and offered

where i thought they might be best used

and as the years of my devotions passed

i must admit i did lament

that all of it seemed to pass unnoticed

and that the longing within

never gave way to some ecstasy

of absorption

but once

in the twilight of my life

she did come to me in a dream

not the fertile young maiden

that lent form to all these statues

but the mother of nations

of motherhood itself

and her likeness showed

all the signs of decades

that took their toll

and in sleep my face was wet with tears

when she spoke

'why have you sought me so long?'

'because Love is the single thing that sustains the world of men. because you are all that stands between our city and the barbarous wastes of the nomads, who live like wild beasts.'

'you must have heard the tales of my devotees. . .i have known many names and forms before the ones you have worshipped. great kings and warlords have all come to power by my favor. but they are not the ones dearest to me. in the end they all fall, their lines fail. death and loss come to them most painfully, because they have known my opulence and the power i bestow. but you are indeed dear to me.'

'then why have you been silent to me for so long. refusal or disgrace would be much less painful to me than being ignored completely.'

'Now you will see. . .'

and in that moment a great light dawned upon me and my weariness fell away

'it is your devotion that purifies you; it is your longing that purges you of ignorance and humbles you. Those i reward with the gifts of this world--love, pleasure, wealth, power--they stop seeking me and their growth is arrested.

to you i give the gift of completeness, so now you may know there is nothing outside that you need to seek.'

 . . .

copyright Peter Asher Watts 2007